Facebook Marketplace is a gossip heaven.

There's an activity I do every Sunday afternoon before getting ready to make dinner. 

I call it my 'gossip scroll'.

As for my forum of choice, it's Facebook Marketplace. 

Now some may be scratching their heads, wondering how I unearth morsels of gossip from such a strange avenue. I acknowledge that it's unusual, and perhaps my interest in gossip speaks questionably to my character. But to be honest... I don't give a sh*t. It's escapism.

Scrolling through Facebook Marketplace is something I do on the regular anyway, searching for hidden gems in my local area. And sometimes, I'll come across a pot of gold, the caption underneath the posting giving away some insight into why the seller is selling said item.

Watch: a clip from Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues below.

There are a few examples that come to mind.

The woman selling her stunning engagement ring after her husband-to-be had a terrible workplace accident, where he slipped and fell into his co-worker's vagina.

A dad selling his teenager's video game console after his naughty teen had a massive raging party at the family home without his parent's approval.

The mum selling pre-loved plastic baby bottles, only for Armageddon to unleash in the post's comments section, where other mothers began debating dangerous evil plastic being anywhere near a small child. 

I vividly remember the time my mum put a posting on Marketplace, trying to get rid of the enormous wok cooking station my dad (now her ex-husband) had left behind in the backyard.

"This wok station was my former husband's... Anyone can come and take it, it'll be all yours for free. I just want my backyard back ugh," she wrote.

Recently I saw another woman selling her ex-husband's BBQ. Also, what is it with ex-husbands leaving behind their cooking paraphernalia??!! I digress.

Then there are the rogue items, where the seller gives a little teaser of context that leaves your mind wandering along for a solid five minutes.

One guy was selling two adult urns for $100 each, as where his parents were buried "would only accept a boxed wooden urn". Another was selling his silicone muscle suit, as "too many people think it's weird when they see it sitting in the wardrobe".

There are women selling Pandora bracelet charms their ex-boyfriends gave them. The man selling the watch that was an "unwanted gift from the ex-wife". It goes on and on.

Not the ring. Not the BBQ. Image: Supplied.

.... Image: Supplied.

Now when it comes to local Facebook groups, the drama is even spicier.

I'm part of a group that is specific to my dog's breed. I won't say what breed it is, as it's pretty unusual (and other owners will find me and hunt me down!!!). But let me tell you, the joy it gives me is next-level.

There was a quarrel when one member put up a listing advertising dog socks, another who was selling puppy pads (single-use environmentally unfriendly, evil puppy pads), and how could I forget the 'my choice of kibble is better than yours' spat.

Then there was the super sad post in one of the generic local area Facebook groups. A lady put up a post and reward regarding her lost cat. The comments underneath were brutal:

"Cats belong indoors. Shame you had to learn your lesson this way."

"Cats destroy wildlife and animals, why did you let it out in the first place??"

And perhaps my favourite comment: "I hate cats."

I've also become acquaintances with people who I've bought things from via Facebook.

There's the woman in her late 50s who I regularly buy pre-loved clothes from who lives a few suburbs over. She's a bit eccentric; recently she messaged me a really odd sexual innuendo meme which felt a bit weird for our level of friendship. I might need to find a new Marketplace clothing vendor.

There's the man that my mum and I go to and get agave plants from for our garden every now and then. He gives them to us for free, as long as we hack off our own cuttings. While we do this, he often likes to give us a rundown on how things are going with his "ol' ball and chain". Aka his wife of approximately 40 years. He also loves to go into detail about his current prostate issues and challenges with urinating at night. 

I remember buying a nice formal dress off Marketplace to wear to my dad's wedding. I bought it from a lovely girl around my age who had worn it to her Year 12 school formal. As I tried on the dress at our local shopping centre's bathroom facilities, she proceeded to tell me all about how the boy she went to formal with was no longer her boyfriend. 

It's fascinating how purchasing or scrolling through Marketplace and similar Facebook groups can offer you a pervy glimpse into strangers' lives. Sometimes it's the everyday gossip — the affairs, the separations, the neighbourhood quarrels, dog owners fighting over who is the better puppy parent — that pique our interest the most.

So if you're like me and enjoy a bit of uncomplicated third-party goss — do a doom scroll on Marketplace. You never know what you might find. 

Feature Image: Facebook/Canva.

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