'I'm a solo mum by choice and take my son on holiday every 5 weeks. Here's how.'

Before I was a mum, I travelled for pleasure: relaxation and experiences. 

But from the moment my son was born, I travelled to expand his world. It was while reading Mem Fox’s 'Where is the green sheep?' for the hundredth time that I realised my son had not yet seen a sheep. And here I was, trying to persuade him — at two months old, to see the humour in it being a green one…

It was time to get out into the world again. 

I booked his first plane ticket. Of course, I could have just taken him to a local petting zoo. But my motivation wasn’t just a sheep hunt: it was to broaden OUR horizons, as a mum and son team.

So, I flew him halfway across the country, from Adelaide to the Gold Coast, to meet one of his cousins. Now, spoiler alert: travelling as a solo mum by choice with a three-month-old baby is challenging. I’m not going to say it was pleasurable the entire time. But when I look back at the photos, I am so incredibly grateful to myself for taking on that challenge. And though it was a roller coaster — I loved it and so did my son. 

Image: Supplied.

Skip ahead three years exactly. He is now three and though we are not jetsetters by any means (we live on my modest, single, part-time teaching income)…but we do travel every five weeks. Sometimes more. 

How is this possible? Well, for starters — we don’t always go to the Gold Coast! But when we do — I book well in advance, when flights are on sale. A family member usually drives us to and from the airport. And we stay with friends. When we travel to Sydney, we usually road trip. It takes us three days each way and it’s marvellous. We see so many sheep. 

On one of our two Adelaide to Sydney road trips last year, we came back via Canberra. When my then two-year-old saw his first wind farm it was a moment of wonder. I pulled over and we stared at it together, marvelling at the 'big white windmills'. He asked me "why?" and I asked Siri to explain it (hot tip: she’s a wondrous co-parent on road trips). 

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I am reminded of an adage by John A. Shedd: A ship in the harbour is safe but that is not what ships are built for.

Every time we travel, we grow and change. Both of us. It is not the same as when we go to a playdate for a morning or even a day. Though these are magical experiences and contribute to his overall development, they cannot compare to the days we spend away from our harbour — our home. 

We travel from Adelaide to Sydney, and the Gold Coast — to stay with friends and family; and all around our home state of South Australia — in cabins, farm stays, Air B&Bs and camping, with friends and family. We even holiday with my son's biological half-brother (via the same sperm donor) and in large groups of solo mums by choice.

So far this year, we’ve camped with relatively new friends and family, and flown to the Gold Coast to stay with old friends. Tomorrow we’re off for a boating weekend with family (don’t get too excited — we’re watching boat racing, not relaxing on a cruise!). And that's just the beginning of what we will get up to in 2024. 

We're camping over Easter with a group of families met via Family Daycare; then off to a shared house as part of a large solo mum by choice Holiday Park trip. And in June, my son will take his first international flight; we're off to Bali with another group of solo mums by choice and their children. I'm nervous about the heat, the water and the mosquitoes: but not the flight. By then, he will have flown 12 times domestically. 

Image: Supplied.

That’s six holidays in less than six months. Not bad for a single, part-time solo mum by choice and her three-year-old. Particularly when you consider that on a daily basis, I'm told on social media that I'm setting my three-year-old up for failure by not providing him with a father.

The trick is to go for short, inexpensive trips, often. And with other people. "Herd holidays," as one of my friends calls them. Because the herd helps you parent. In fact, it changes how you parent. We never return from a holiday the same as when we left home. We learn new skills, see new parenting methods in intense, unfiltered ways, and experience things that we literally cannot and will not and do not experience at home. In short, we live — and it's a little extra. 

Some hot tips if you’re considering this way of life:

• Overpack, under pack — people will make fun of you either way. Do whatever makes you most comfortable because travel, in all its forms with a child, is INTENSE. Do whatever will turn the notch down on this intensity for you. The first few times we travelled interstate, I took the car seat, pram, a large suitcase and a small one, HIGH CHAIR (…), travel cot, a huge back bag and a nappy bag. I do not regret any of it. Plus, there was no excess baggage charge — and 2s and under also fly free!
• Get an electric esky if you’re going to do road trips.
• Find someone who'd like - for whatever reason — to stay in your home when you go away, and look after your cat. I posted in a solo mum by choice Facebook group, just once, to see if anyone was keen for this gig back in 2020. A pregnant mum expressed interest and here we are, three years later, house sharing every five weeks or so, even though we've never met. She calls our house her "city home".

Living like this doesn't mean you have to stop saving for that 'big trip' you’ve been dreaming of all year. It just means you can enjoy short breaks, for connection…and disconnection, all year round. 

Feature Image: Supplied.