Domestic violence is not a 'crime of passion'.

This story discusses domestic violence. 

'A crime of passion'. 

That’s how head of NSW Police Commissioner Karen Webb described the double murder of 26-year-old Jesse Baird and his partner, 29-year-old Luke Davies. 

The couple was allegedly murdered by serving police officer, Beau Lamarre-Condon, who reportedly briefly dated Baird for a short period time last year. Human remains have now been found in the search for Baird and Davies' bodies. They were reportedly found near Bungonia, a small town in the Southern Tablelands Goulburn region in New South Wales.

The NSW Police Commissioner's comments have sparked an intense backlash from anti-domestic violence advocates who object to the use of language which in effect, romanitises and justifies domestic violence.

Watch: Can You Spot The Red Flags Of Domestic Violence? Post continues after the video.

"A loving couple in Jesse Baird and Luke Davies have had their lives stolen from them, their bodies yet to be located," advocate, Tarang Chawla, whose sister was murdered by her partner, posted to his Instagram page. 

"And the man alleged to be responsible for ending their lives is a currently servicing police officer whose actions have been reduced to a crime of passion, instead of a vengeful act of power, control and entitlement over others," 

Criminal behavioural analyst and advocate Laura Richards echoed this sentiment. "Stop minimising and excusing male violence," she wrote on Instagram. "This was not a ‘crime of passion’, I allege. This was much more likely the vengeful lethal act of power and control."

Webb made the comment in response to calls for police to withdraw from participating in the Mardi Gras parade; her key message that the double murder was "not a hate crime". But her choice of words has perpetuated some of the most problematic attitudes towards domestic and family violence; attitudes that are deeply ingrained into our society, and further cemented by media reporting. Outlets have long since framed domestic violence murders as the unfortunate byproduct of love gone wrong, a deadly romance, a jealous rage. All too often, acts of violence, abuse, and murder are attributed to love triangles, perceived affairs, actual affairs, bad dates, or unrequited love.  

'Love makes us do crazy things'.

These were the words used by Hollywood actor Will Smith to justify walking onto the stage at the 2022 Academy Awards and slapping the event host, comedian Chris Rock. This spontaneous act of aggression came after Rock made a distasteful joke at the expense of Jada Pinkett-Smith, Will Smith’s wife. Later in the night, Smith received an Oscar, and during his emotional acceptance speech, he attempted to explain away his outburst, 'Love makes us do crazy things'.

Now, Smith didn't kill anyone, or even seriously hurt them. But these six words, uttered on a global stage to justify violence, represent all that is wrong with society’s tolerance of crimes committed in the name of love. With one woman murdered every week by a current or former partner here in Australia, we continue to read media headlines about domestic violence that support this narrative.

"Man arrested on 21 charges after date goes horribly wrong." This headline by the Cairns Post described a man who allegedly bashed, choked and raped a woman. 

"Devotion became danger for McDonalds car attack victim." This is how The Canberra Times reported an attempted murder by a man who allegedly ran down his victim with a car.  

"Photos of mother engaged in intimate act triggers DVO breach." And this, by The Townsville Bulletin, describing how one man repetitively breached his domestic violence orders. 

And there's this. "How Lisa Harnum almost escaped her deadly romance." Harman was murdered after being thrown off a balcony. news.com.au described it as a 'deadly romance'. 

This is just a snapshot.

Love doesn't make us do crazy things. And it certainly isn't dangerous. You know what is dangerous though? Violent men (and sometimes women). Obsession. Entitlement. Cowardice. Hate. Power. Control. 

Not passion. And certainly not love.

Not only does this type of language justify acts of violence, and diminish the severity, it also puts the onus on victims and survivors, suggesting that their actions triggered the perpetrator in some way. No. Victims and survivors of domestic violence are not in control of their perpetrators’ actions. There is nothing a victim or survivor did or didn’t do to cause or prevent the violence that’s being or has been inflicted on them. 

"It's 2024 and here I am having to point out a very basic point about domestic violence and DV killings," femicide researcher Sherele Moody wrote on Instagram. 

"Everything domestic violence IS NOT: A 'crime of passion'. An act of love.

"Everything domestic violence IS: A crime comprising many aspects including control, hate, rage, selfishness, cowardice, entitlement, violence and abuse."

Language matters. Some may argue the impact of semantics, but language does matter. Language has the power to change attitudes, to generate a cultural shift. And once that happens, the dominoes begin to fall.

Victims and survivors are never to blame for their own abuse or murders. The only responsible parties are the perpetrators, and a broken system that all too often fails to protect the people who need it most. 

To donate to Luke's GoFundMe click here and to donate to Jesse's GoFundMe click here.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) — the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Mamamia is a charity partner of RizeUp Australia, a Queensland-based organisation that helps women and families move on after the devastation of domestic violence. If you would like to support their mission to deliver life-changing and practical support to these families when they need it most, you can donate here.

Feature image: Facebook/Jesse Baird.