The 19 'Man Box' rules and how they're contributing to domestic violence.

"In heterosexual relationships, men should really be the ones to bring money home to provide for their families, not women."

"A man shouldn’t have to do household chores."

"A man who talks a lot about his worries, fears, and problems shouldn’t really get respect."

"If a guy has a girlfriend or wife, he deserves to know where she is all the time."

These are just some of the beliefs held by the men that live inside the 'Man Box'. There are 19 rules that make up the Man Box, which is essentially a set of beliefs within and across society that pressure men to act in a certain way.

Each of the rules represents a socially dominant form of masculinity, fitting into one of seven groups: self-sufficiency, acting tough, physical attractiveness, rigid gender roles, homophobia/transphobia, hypersexuality, and aggression and control.

The concept of the Man Box was first explored in 2018 by The Jesuit Social Services' Men’s Project, and focused on men aged 18 to 30. (The second ediiton, published in 2024, extends this age range to 45.) It was the first Australian study to examine the association between attitudes to masculine stereotypes and particular behaviours.

Watch: Why Consent Education Isn't Enough - Katrina Marson. Post continues after the video.    

In 2020, the Unpacking the Man Box report drew on the same data to complete a more detailed analysis of the impact of the Man Box rules.

In 2024, the study expanded to include men aged 31 to 45 as well, comparing the results of each age group — specifically whether they believe society sends messages about how a 'real man' should think and act, whether they personally agree with these messages, and, importantly, whether these beliefs predict specific behaviours and life outcomes.

As domestic violence rates continue to rise, the survey questions were designed to analyse whether specific beliefs about masculinity influence men's propensity for violence, in particular, violence against women.

The results were sobering. More than a quarter of the younger age group (26 per cent), and just under a quarter of the older age group (22 per cent), not only felt pressure to conform to Man Box rules, but agreed with those rules.

Alarmingly, many rules that resonated most were those that may be harmful to those around them, and the age-group discrepancies varied depending on the specific rule. 

For example, the Man Box rule, “Men should use violence to get respect if necessary”, was considered relevant by 34 per cent of younger men, and 24 per cent of the older group. 

The overall percentages revealed significant numbers of men either feel pressure to conform to, or agree with rules that are violent or sexist. For example, 39 per cent think society says men should have the final say about decisions in their relationship, 35 per cent think society says men are entitled to know where their partner is at all times, and 33 per cent think society says men should avoid responsibility for household chores.

Links to domestic violence.

As part of the study, men were asked about their attitudes and beliefs around different forms of violence, and specifically violence against women. The results were confronting, showing a clear link between belief in the Man Box rules and a propensity to support or engage in violent behaviour.

More than 65 per cent of men with the highest endorsement of the Man Box rules have been a perpetrator of domestic violence. Prevailing attitudes around domestic and family violence (DFV) were also concerning. Men who strongly believed in the Man Box rules were 31 times more likely to believe domestic violence should be handled privately, 17 times more likely to have hit their partner, and nine times more likely to blame a woman for making a man hit her. They were more likely to bully or sexual harass someone, and be less bothered if they witnessed violence. Those men with the strongest affinity to the Man Box were also:

• 35 times more likely to have frequently perpetrated verbal sexual harassment against a woman or girl in a public place.
• 17 times more likely to express violence supportive attitudes.
• Eight times more likely to have perpetrated sexual violence against an intimate partner.
• 28 times more likely to have used fear to coerce a partner into having sex.
• Five times more likely to have perpetrated physical violence against an intimate partner.
• Three times more likely to have viewed violent pornography at least once a week.

The solution starts with boys. 

Chief Executive Officer of DART (Domestic Abuse Resources and Training) Group, Jolene Ellat, says there are many harmful attitudes that sit inside the 'Man Box' that pressure boys and young men to behave a certain way. 

"This is sadly reinforced by media, social media, influencers, and pornography," she says. 

"What we know is that these rigid ideals, perpetuate violence, sexual harassment, hostility and negative attitudes towards women and as recent studies have shown, impact on the individual’s mental health wellbeing."

Ellat says there must be alternative narratives for boys and young men to turn towards, while being taught the skills to apply critical thinking when confronted by rigid ideals.

"We need multiple strategies across multiple levels in order to create ongoing sustained change," she says. 

"Community awareness is also key in challenging the stigma that sits behind healthier forms of masculinity."

As the mother of a son, Ellat says she works hard to challenge those rigid gender ideals that sit around him, but it isn’t easy, even with her background in domestic and family violence. 

"And whilst I hold knowledge and skill to do so, many parents do not. We must support society as a whole if we are going to create meaningful and sustained shifts."

The 19 Man Box rules.

1. A man who talks a lot about his worries, fears, and problems shouldn’t really get respect. 

2. Men should figure out their personal problems on their own without asking others for help. 

3. A guy who doesn’t fight back when others push him around is weak. 

4. Guys should act strong even if they feel scared or nervous inside. 

5. It is very hard for a man to be successful if he doesn’t look good. 

6. A guy who spends a lot of time on his looks isn’t very manly. 

7. Women don’t go for guys who fuss too much about their clothes, hair and skin. 

8. It is not good for a boy to be taught how to cook, sew, clean the house or take care of younger children. 

9. A man shouldn’t have to do household chores. 

10. In heterosexual relationships, men should really be the ones to bring money home to provide for their families, not women. 

11. A gay guy is not a "real man".

12. A transgender man is not a "real man". 

13. It’s not OK for straight guys to be friends with gay guys. 

14. It’s not OK for straight guys to be friends with trans or gender diverse people.

15. A "real man" should have as many sexual partners as he can. 

16. A "real man" would never say no to sex. 

17. Men should use violence to get respect if necessary. 

18. In heterosexual relationships, a man should always have the final say about decisions in his relationship or marriage. 

19. If a guy has a girlfriend or wife, he deserves to know where she is all the time.

Source: The Man Box 2024 

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. 

Mamamia is a charity partner of RizeUp Australia, a Queensland-based organisation that helps women and families move on after the devastation of domestic violence. If you would like to support their mission to deliver life-changing and practical support to these families when they need it most, you can donate here.

Feature image: Getty